A cow has 4, but a woman only has 2. What am I?
Legs

My 7 year old son just came up with this one
What do you call a large town that's built on a chair shaped mountain?

A sit-y.

I hate it when people tell me that age is just a number.
It's clearly a word.

What do you call a 30 year old body in your closet?
The 1994 World Hide and Seek Champion

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

Spider-Man has a coat made entirely of Mediterranean flatbread.
Its his Pita Parka.

I cant decide if I like cheerleaders better or horses
Yay! Or Neigh?

"I can't think of another word for 'knowledgeable'," said my daughter.
I thought for a moment.

"Likewise," I replied.

She said, "Ah, that's a good one."

How do we know that trees are not highly intelligent?
They get stumped too easily.

Why don't trees have bad backs?
They have good lumber support.

Why are Russian microwaves useless?
They wont nuke anything even if you push their buttons.

8 out of 10 people hate revolving doors
But they'll come around

What do you call a computer that can sing?
A Dell

My Korean friend died last week.
So yung.

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.
I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, "Do you have a favourite song?"
The other replies, "Well... all my life I have been a heavy metal fan."

Why arent koalas considered bears
They dont have the koalafications

Did you hear about the latest trend in fishing where people are using K-cups for bait?
Everyone seems to be podcasting now days.

A hacker called and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said 'Thank God for that,
what are they?'

My coworker got me good today. I just transitioned (somewhat unwillingly) into a property management role
She came to me today and said Argonuggut, theres a giant leak under the kitchen sink

So I go and look under the sink dreading a giant puddle of water, and open it to find. A giant leek.

Of course I turned around and she was very proud of herself. Made my day.

I was recently voted the most Alexithymic person in the world
Got no words to describe how proud I am

What goes up, lets out a load and then goes back down?
An elevator

Why are there fences around graveyards
Because people are dying to get in

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
Last year's hide and seek champion

To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.