If tomb is pronounced TOOM
and womb is pronounced WOOM

why isn't bomb pronounced BOOM?

It just might be....................if you're on the receiving end.

I caught a fish. I had some trouble identifying the fish, so I asked it are you a mackerel?
And it said nah and then I said are you a salmon and it said nah so then I figured it out! It must be a 2-nah fish

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit went to a clinic to donate some blood...
Nurse (to the rabbit): What's your blood type?

Rabbit: I'm probably a type O.

What do you call a Sugar that can write with both Hands?
Ambidextrose

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's up with the big brass gong?" one of his guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied.

He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly a voice on the other side of the wall screamed...

"You idiot! It's three-fifteen in the morning.

What happens when something hits you at high frequency?
It hertz

The Mandalorian asked Little Miss Mufet what she was eating for dinner.
She replied, "This is the whey."

What do you call a person who dies whilst lifting weights?
A Dumb Bell End.

Spiders.
Why dont spiders go to school ? Because they learn everything on the web .

I'll never forget how many sit ups my dad used to make me do
They're core memories.

I was debating where to stream the new Hamlet movie.
Tubi or not Tubi...

Why couldn't the Mexican archer hunt?

He didn;t habanero.

I've just received the news I'm a kleptomaniac
To be fair I took it rather easily

I finally organized my junk drawer. Now it's just a drawer
and I cant find any of my junk!

A cowboy walks into a bar petting his pony. Bartender asks
Are you feeling a little horse?

If you're American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

My doctor told me Im going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear...

I finally got with a girl last night
Now all my posts to r/jokes show up here, something wrong with reddit?

My girlfriend said shes missing her periods
I said: no wonder you always text me in run on sentences.

I told my goofy math teacher that
Trigonometry jokes are a sin

My date with the supernatural had gone terrible.
She ghosted me

My toddler wouldn't nap, so I unplugged the nightlight and said "lights out"
He said, "Watt"?

I said, "Don't argue, I've got the power here. I will ground you if I have to"

Wifey.
I was really struggling to get my wife's attention.
So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick.

After years of putting it off, I finally finished my book on Italian seasoning.
Its about thyme.

Whats a cannibals favorite cold cut?
Baloney (below-knee)