Donald Trump is chatting with King Charles III. He says Listening to all these people talk about your United Kingdom, I think I will rename the USA to The Kingdom of America.
King Charles says, Ah, but President Trump, to be a Kingdom you need to be led by a King. And you are not a King.

Trump says, Youre right Chuck, lots of people dont know that, but Ive always liked you. So how about the Principality of America?

No again Mr President, Im afraid. To be a Principality you would need to be led by a Prince. And you are not a Prince.

This is a pickle then Chas, no doubt. Im not a King and Im not a Prince. What do you think I should do?

I think you should remain a country.

I called my wife and asked her bra size. She said, um, why?
I said, No, they cant be that big.

My wife asked me how I can go for hours trying to think up the perfect pun to respond to some idle question she asked me. Well today I finally got the answer-
Dadication.

As I was tucking my daughter into bed last night, she proudly proclaimed "Tomorrow, I'm gonna dress like a star!" If I'm being honest, I thought she was just joking around.
It turns out she was Sirius.

Why do mice have small balls?
Cause only 6% know how to dance.

I knew a guy in high school who knew what every single symbol on every single world map meant by heart and and could tell you immediately on request...
Guy was a legend.

A square, a triangle and a rectangle walk into a bar...
Bartender says "looks like you guys could use a round!"

Where do basketball players go when they need a uniform?
New Jersey

A painter walks into a bar with a quart of paint.
Goes up to the bartender and says "How 'bout a pint on the house?"

What do you call a Pharaoh who rarely flatulates?
Toot Uncommon.

I asked my local rancher how many cattle he had, it took him over a week to answer accurately
I guess its a pretty complicated cowculation.

I lost my company the other day. I asked the judge why???
He said "it's none of your business".

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!

I am pregnant
You are kidding me

Why cant we ever trust an egg with a secret?
They always crack under pressure!

Looking back at all the successes & failures in my life.
I can't help but be proud that at least the potty training thing stuck.

Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt
Well he sure doesn't want to be spotted

A chicken, a horse, a cricket, a beetle and a calf walk into a bar
The bartender says: man, we really gotta fix that door

How do you know if a Scrabble rack is staring at you?
It has two I's on it.

Me: My lawnmower won't start
Veteranarian: Sir, your goat is dead

Did you know that Himalayan Pink Salt is 10 Million years old?
Well Im pleased they found it in time, because apparently it expires next year.

How much of a difference is there between a man with a vasectomy and a man without?
A 'vas deferens'

A dung beetle walked into a bar...
Pulled up a stool and walked back out.

I have two cars. One that is voice activated
And one that goes without saying.

My chiropractor published his own music.
It's a Hip Pop album.