A guy goes to prison, and on his first day he's sitting in the cafeteria, and someone yells "number 54" and the whole room erupts into laughter.The next day he's eating again, someone else yells out "number 71" and again the room fills with laughter.
He turns to the guy next to him and asks "what's the deal with the numbers?"
Guy next to him responds "well most of us have been here so long, we hear the same jokes over and over and over again. So we numbered them, to save us time."
So the new guy decides to give it a try he stands up and yells "number 25" and there is dead silence. He turns to the guy next to him and asks "what's the deal, why did no one laugh"
He responds "some guys just don't know how to tell a joke".
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them One old lady immediately had a stroke.
The other couldn't quite reach.
I got asked out by five girls today!
I was definitely in the wrong bathroom.
At the end of dinner, I asked my date if shed mind bringing the wine and dessert to our llama picnic this weekend. She said, I dont know what that is but sure.
Smiling, I took her hand and said, Alpaca lunch.
Excuse me, where is the gender neutral restroom?
Thanks, I really need to take a she/it
An elderly man was having difficulty hearing in one ear
At the emergency room, a Dr. looked into his ear, reached for forceps, and pulled a blob out of the man's ear. " Do you know what this is?" the Dr. asked the man.." No" said the man. " It's a suppository. What is a suppository doing in your ear?" said the Dr. The man replied. " Never mind that, help me get my hearing aid back!"
Not saying I'm old,
but I was born before chickens had fingers.
I recently got bit by a German Shepard....
Turns out my neighbor Hans doesn't like it when you try to herd his sheep for him.
I took my kids on a trip in a camper van and all they kept asking was..
RV there yet?
I went to a tropical islandz thinking I could find a resort there. Unfortunately, the island is run by cannibals.
Now they won't stop roasting me for my mistake. I am absolutely cooked.
When my wife wanted to add more stuffing to our pillows, I told her it wasnt necessary.
But she doubled down.
A whale watching group's boat was set on fire...
The attacks were orcastrated.
Did you know? If you can balance a grain of salt on the edge of an extremely sharp knife....
It's a salt with a deadly weapon.
My wife asked me if I could clear the dining room table before dinner
It took me 3 attempts and a substantial run up, but I fucking nailed it
Why did the phone need glasses?Because she lost all her contacts
Found on a laffy taffy I ordered from US
The Tour de France is under way with all these really expensive bikes, do you know what they do with the bikes when the Tour is finished?
They Recycle them!
I was gonna tell a railroad joke
But I lost my train of thought.
I know approximately 8 things;
How to estimate is not one of them
My wife opened a new store, specializing in one particular size of flashlight battery. It is downtown, next door to the optometrist/eyeglass shop.
She sells c-cells by the see store
I loved all the fireworks last night!
They were the high light of the evening!
I gave my friend a broken drum for his birthday.
Nobody can beat that.