Apparently, you can tell male and female.ants apart quite easily.... Just need to briefly put them in a little bit of waterIf it sinks it means it's a girl ant...
If it floats...buoyant
My parrot has died of obsesity.
To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders.
My wife gave me an envelope marked, "Not to be opened until 2027.”
Inside was a list of reasons why I can't be trusted to carry out simple instructions.
I dated a girl with a lazy eye
... until I realized she was seeing someone on the side.
I'm going to solve 1 + 2 + 3 + ... + 100.
I have a 5050 chance of getting it right.
I asked my wife ...How come she was so excited about getting a new car on finance right until the day she bought it home...After that she didn't even bother to drive it for about 90 days
She said it came with 0% interest for the first 3 months
Did you know that ten plus ten and eleven plus eleven are the same thing?
It's true. Ten plus ten is twenty, and eleven plus eleven is twenty, too.
I relabeled all the jars in my wife's spice rack
I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.
A cute blonde and Frankenstein's monster were hitting if off at a bar. She asked him, "Where ya' from, Big Boy?"
He responded, "Oh, all over."
A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and asks “do you have fish cakes?”
The person behind the counter replies, “No”.
“That’s a pity, it’s his birthday”.
Did you hear about the landmine inspector who got injured on the job?
Looks like he decided to press charges.
What does an Italian terminator say?
Pasta La Pizza Baby …
Why don’t mummies take vacations?
They’re afraid to unwind.
I went to a wedding the other day and it was so emotional.
Even the cake was in tiers.
A baker was showing off to his friend saying he could make his dough rise quickest
His friend said 'prove it'
My boyfriend dumped me so I stole his wheelchair....
.....guess who came crawling back?
I was crossing the road when I saw my worst enemy get run over.I thought "Blimey! That could have been me."
Then remembered I can't drive.
My friend said he just got a job at a bowling alley. I asked him , 'tenpin'?
He said no , permanent
what is a Caveman's favorite music genre?Hard Rock
What's a blacksmith's favorite music genre?
Heavy Metal
What's a president's favorite music genre?
Country
What's a roman emperor's favorite music genre?
Latin
What's a rabbit's favorite music genre?
Hip Hop
Two canibals are eating a comedian.
One turns to the other and asks... does this taste funny to you?
I buy every comic book I see.
My friends and family say I have a lot of issues.
My printer won’t print change.
It makes no cents. Frustrating for sure.
Not a lot of people know this, but Michael Jackson wanted to play an Elf in The Fellowship of the Ring.
Yeah, he was excited to make Mithriller!
Why do police officers always show up to aquariums?
Cause there is always something fishy going on there.
Did you hear about the new Russian athlete who is causing confusion on the Track?
His name is Vanya Mark Getsetov.
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