A famous chocolatier developed a new product line with 50% less moisture
Dryer Lindt
Why is the letter E the only letter to receive gifts from Santa?
The other letters are not e.
I had the snip because I didn't want anymore children...
But when I got home they were still there.
My kid took the drill thinking it would be a fun toy.
He eventually got bored with it.
Big news!
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
Do you have a USB wire thingy so I can charge my phone in my honda?Best Buy employee: A cord?
Me: No it's a Civic.
What do you call a parrot that can’t fly?
A walkie talkie.
How does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it
If Darth Vader always wears a mask, how does he eat?
He is force fed.
My friends keep telling me about how he can print a gun with his 3D printer.
I’m not impressed, I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
This coffee shop got my order wrong! They gave me the wrong creamer, the wrong flavor, the wrong size...
They even got my name wrong!
Got fired from the Viagra factory after being accused of stealing.
Guess they don’t want hard workers…
Why did the communist fail school?
He got bad Marx.
Why is the shower head so happy?
Every naked person he sees turns him on
A disgruntled wife approaches her programmer husband.‘You know, sometimes I think you like programming more than you like me’, She says to him.
‘My darling’, he says in response. ‘In my array of interests, you are number [1]’.
How was Swedens best tennis player created?He was Bjorn.
Haha I'll see myself out
Why did the man name his dogs timex and rolex
They were watch dogs
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam 🧀😂
I have a joke about anxiety
But I am worried you wont like it...
Why is the Statue of Liberty’s index fingernail only 10 inches wide…
Because if it was 12” wide it would be a foot!
I bought my wife a revolving chair….
At first she hated it, but I sat her in it and she is slowly coming round.
The Marlboro Man just showed up at my house, bearing gifts.
It turns out he was my Cigarette Santa.
I met my wife in South Korea.
She's my Seoul-mate.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…”
“Thanks, man, ” he replied, “I’ve been practicing it a lot.”
A slow night drive with lofi beats and the passenger seat makes you sleep like a 5-year-old...
until my wife says, "What's the 5-year-old doing in the driving seat?"
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