According to my son, it’s not possible for two lines to cross. Honestly, I have no idea how he could think that.
He must be living in some kind of parallel universe.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"
When i went out of town recently, i paid extra for a larger, nicer room at the hotel. When I entered the room, there were yams everywhere. I went down to the front to ask why there were yams in my room, and the girl at the front desk said “Those aren’t yams…
…they’re suite potatoes!”
I had an apple and an orange for breakfast this morning.
The apple was way better. No comparison.
Butt DeodorantA man needs help while shopping. He asks the clerk, "Where's the butt deodorant?"
The clerk says, "I've never heard of that".
The man says, "It says right on the container, 'Push Up Bottom'".
The first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart
The fact that her boobs block the view is not our fault
My work friend was telling me that he is smoking a turkey for Thanksgiving
I told him things will probably work out better if he just eats it.
A wizard asked me to proof read one of his scrolls
Actually it was more of a spell check!
Do you know which is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign language.
Did you hear about the Soup Kitchen run by conservatives?
They told everybody who came to help themselves
My wife complains I don't buy her flowers
But to be honest, I never knew she sold flowers
I ate a kids meal in McDonald’s this morning.
His mother was furious.
Did you hear about the proctologist whose girlfriend cheated on him?
It totally rectum.
Man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his headBarman : Why’ve you a fried egg sitting on top of your head?
Man: The boiled ones keep rolling off.
Just saw Wicked: For Good and I’m genuinely confused…
Why did they skip Wicked: Too Good and Three Good??
What do you call a cop who's bad at fishing?
An Off fisher
What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu?
One requires oinkment, the other requires tweetment.
People of Dubai don’t like the Flintstones.
But the people of Abu Dhabi do.
My wife says I'm a loser for the job I do - delivering a van filled with animal testicles
Which is a load of bollocks.
What do you get when you toss a grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blown-apart.
What kind of fowl likes to count?
A Mathemachicken!
A doe walks out of the woods and says
that's the last time I do that for two bucks
Why does Snow White always give all seven dwarfs the same amount of gooseberry pie?
Because she's the fairest one of all!
Why did the pie go to the dentist?
It needed a filling.
What is the difference between snowmen and snow women?
Snowballs.
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