The new Scandinavian priest seems nice, but I think he might be obsessed with Mortal Kombat.
He ends every service with a “FINNISH HYMN!”
As I embarked on my voyage to India, I bid farewell to my mother.
I said, "Mumbai."
A number of you have commented on my posts that my grammar stinks.
Jesus guys, she’s 97 years old, leave her alone.
AskDadjokes: Replace the title of your favorite Love song with the word "Lunch"..Mine: "What's
Lunch Got to Do with It?" by Aretha Frank-n-bean
(It's a guaranteed eye roll from my son every time!)
(Ed: sorry, that song was by Tina Tuna!!)
I’d like to offer you lesson on the air guitar, totally free of charge.
No strings attached.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
What do Norwegian police drive?
Fjord Rangers
Why do vampires have low fertility rates?
Because they can't come inside unless invited.
How can you convert dollars to pounds?
By visiting McDonalds
What do you call a pair of inspirational shoes?
Motivational sneakers.
Why did the wizard go to the hospital?
He had staff infection.
I got an email the other day telling me how to read maps backwards.
Turns out it was just spam.
i wish i could go back to the time I had s*x with a rectangle..
best shape I'd ever been in.
Sick joke, not sure if it qualifies as a Dad joke.
There was this guy who went to jail and he was found dead in his cell, he hung himself... It was a suspended sentence
What should you say to 007 when he leaves for France?
Bond voyage!
What do people with hemorrhoids and British bar patrons annoyed at the stability of their seat have in common?
“That bloody stool”
I think my dyslexic neighbor might be a devil worshiper
Yesterday he told me he sold his soul to Santa
What do you call someone who sells Ships and Boats?
A Sailsman.
A man walks into a bar. He’s got syphilis, typhoid, cholera, rickets, scurvy, bubonic plague, gout, shingles, pink eye, ringworm, mono, hepatitis A through C, whooping cough, measles, mumps, dengue fever, trench foot, strep throat, mumps, measles, Lyme disease, and hand-foot-and-mouth disease.
Bartender says, "What is this...some kind of sick joke?"
Someone has just sold me a bottle of odourless perfume.
It doesn't make any scents!
Why do math classes teach the debut album of former Vice President Al Gore?
Because it's an Al Gore Rhythm
What do you call a dog that lives in the basement?
A subwoofer
Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from?
A poul-tree.
Why is Bill short for William?
Because he doesn't have enough money to pay it.
How can you tell a dogwood tree apart from other kinds of trees?
The bark.
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