Why is the letter E the only letter to receive gifts from Santa?
The other letters are not e.
I had the snip because I didn't want anymore children...
But when I got home they were still there.
My friends keep telling me about how he can print a gun with his 3D printer.
I’m not impressed, I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
If Darth Vader always wears a mask, how does he eat?
He is force fed.
Got fired from the Viagra factory after being accused of stealing.
Guess they don’t want hard workers…
Why is the shower head so happy?
Every naked person he sees turns him on
Why did the communist fail school?
He got bad Marx.
How was Swedens best tennis player created?He was Bjorn.
Haha I'll see myself out
This coffee shop got my order wrong! They gave me the wrong creamer, the wrong flavor, the wrong size...
They even got my name wrong!
How does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it
My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…”
“Thanks, man, ” he replied, “I’ve been practicing it a lot.”
I bought my wife a revolving chair….
At first she hated it, but I sat her in it and she is slowly coming round.
I'm very proud of the work I did on my coffee business.
I built it from grounds up.
I know Forrest Gump's password
1Forrest1
Son: Who do seagulls fly over the sea?
Dad: If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
How do robots eat guacamole?
With microchips
Why is being blind worse than being deaf?
I don't know, it just sounds worse?
Which mobile operator do the Jedi use?
Yodaphone
As a family we learned today that lightning bugs are actually beetles.
So I told my wife and son. "Well they still have lightning in their butts, so I guess they're just Volts-Wagon Beetles"
What has four big wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What do you call bears without ears?
B
What’s a kidnapper’s favorite shoes?
White Vans
I got fired from the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
What sound does James Bond’s doorbell make?
Dong. Ding dong.
My dad held a very high position in a nationwide construction company.
Crane operator.
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