Three moles were walking down a small tunnel. The first said "I smell sugar". The second said "I smell honey". The third said
I smell molasses.
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal...
...until the pressure got to him."
A woman was having a problem with her bedroom closet door. It would fall off the hinges whenever the bus went by.
She tried several times to fix it herself,but the door would still fall off when a bus went by. She finally called a repair man. He showed up, looked over the door and found no problem. Then the bus came, and sure enough, the door fell off. He said that he was going to step inside and for her to close the door behind him. As soon as the door was closed her husband came home and heard her talking to someone in their bedroom. He burst in, demanding to know who was in there. Before she could answer he looked in the closet and found the repairman and asked, 'What's he doing in there?' The repairman said, 'You're not going to believe this, but I'm waiting for the bus.…
Talking to the farmer, the ear of corn begged, “Please don’t eat me! I served honorably in armed services.”
“I used to be a kernel.”
I told my son a joke a hilarious joke about chocolate, caramel and peanuts, but he didn't laugh at all.
I thought I'd at least get a snicker.
Did you hear about the guy who only believed 12.5% of the Bible?
He was an eighthiest.
I saw a guy pick up a 100lb dumbbell with just his toes
Amazing feat
Scientists tried to cross cheetah amd crab genes.
It went sideways real fast.
Which font is best to write down swear words?
Cursive
What do you call a butter that has all of its questions answered?
Clarified butter
When I speak Spanish to someone, I like to use the word “mucho”.
It really means a lot to them.
My son asked me what’s a dad joke
I told him you’re looking at one
Larry's Barn burned down and his wife Susan called the insurance companySusan spoke to the agent and said "We had that barn insured for $50,000 and i want my money".
The Agent replied "Whoa there, insurance doesnt work that way. An indpendent adjuster will be appointed and assess the value of what the barn was worth and then we will provide a new barn of similar worth"
There was a long pause and Susan replied "If that's how it works, I want to cancel the life insurancy policy on my husband"
I went to a horrible pub last night called "The Fiddle"...
It really was a Vile Inn.
Did you hear about the pumpkin who got a dui?
The police said he was smashed
Have you guys heard the rumor about butter?
No? Well I’m not going to spread it.
When I canceled my appointment at the sperm bank, the nurse asked me why.
I told her, "I just can't come today."
Mike Tyson is SO religious
That he punches people in the faith.
Trump placed tariffs on an island solely inhabited by penguins.
The penguins were tarrified
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up!
What do Hammer Time and wet paint have in common?
Can't touch this
I dated a dolphin for a while, but we broke up.
We just weren’t clicking.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo’ drizzle
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself
I really need to wash some cups
Leather is rated based on its texture. Cows with abundant water sources have softer hides, rated A.
But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are D Hide-Rated.
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