My daughter defused my son's repeated 6-7's perfectly
Since my son turned 7 yrs old he has picked up the 6-7 meme, presumably from school friends. My daughter turned 4 and innocently assumed 6-7 was something to do with her brother's age, so she responds with "3-4" every time! Think it's her first dad joke, so proud!
My neighbor's wife attacked her husband with his guitar collection.At her arraignment the judge asked, "First offender?"
She said "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."
"When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat the vowels.""Why?"
"Sometimes."
What do you call a person who doesn’t have a body or a nose?
Nobody knows .
A guy was bragging to a co-worker about how hot his wife was...
He was going on and on about how incredibly beautiful she looked and that anyone else would be lucky to land a woman as gorgeous as his wife. Finally, the co-worker manages to get a word in: "Oh, yeah? If you think your wife is hot, then you should see my wife." "Why's that? Is she a stunner, too?" "No, she's an optometrist."
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system?
They looked at the reviews and saw it only had 1 star.
When you're in the bathroom it doesn't matter if you're French, German, Spanish or Polish. At the end of the day...
... European
What is a pirate's least favorite letter?Dear Sir/Ma'am,
We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:
Illegal Downloading
My coworker thought he was a lightbulb, so my boss sent him home.I also went home, I can't work in the dark.
(Reposting because I made a typo in the original.)
What do you call a rude cow?
Beef jerky
Just tried a frog-flavored beer
You can really taste the hops
My 8 year old told me this: what do trees really like to drink?
Root beer. I'm proud of him.
An instrument to cut the ocean in half?
A see-saw.
My teachers said a group of tigers is called an Ambush and not a Pride.
They weren’t lion.
I can speak the language of several different countries.
England, Canada, Australia, Ireland...
I saw a guy who was arrested for dressing up as Sting.
It's illegal to impersonate The Police.
Who is between N and Q?
Me
So many people these days are too judgmental.
I can tell just by looking at them.
How does Adele get to the grocery store?
She goes ROLLING IN THE JEEP!
If February 29th is Leap Day, what is February 28th?
Look Day.
I lost my Thesaurus last week. I'm not Just pissed off..
i'm also pissed off!!
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"
I know he means well...
What did Rapunzel's hair say to the prince when she lowered it down to him?
"I long for you."
Why weren’t the pants allowed in school?
Because they were suspended.
People: Get out of your comfort zone
Introvert: Get out of my comfort zone
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