• When asked if you want any leftovers:”No thanks, I’m trying to quit cold turkey”
• Did you ever notice you never get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it because all the coats are on the bed.
• What’s the day after thanksgiving? Yourwelcomegiving
• What do Canadians eat for Thanksgiving? Turkeh
• I started carrying around a stone to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before thanksgiving. It’s my Jingle Bell Rock
• I’ve always wanted to replace the Thanksgiving turkey with a different kind of bird. But honestly, I always chicken out.
• While I was picking out a turkey at the supermarket a woman asked me if these turkeys get any bigger. I had to let her down easy and tell her “No mam, they are dead”
• Why did the police arrest the Turkey? They suspected foul play.
• Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
• Why kind of cars would the pilgrims drive today? A Plymouth
• Why kind of key won’t open anything? A Turkey
• My kids told me my turkey was too dry. I’m so tired of these baste-less accusations.
• Did you hear about the two turkeys who got into a fight? They beat the stuffing out of each other.
• My work friend told me he’s smoking a turkey for Thanksgiving. I told him it would probably go better if he just eats it.
• My kids told me they want a pony for Thanksgiving. I normally cook turkey but whatever makes them happy.
Credit: my 24-yo daughter
As soon as they landed, they hit a local shop and stocked up on the wildest tourist gear they could find — think neon shirts, loud floral shorts, flip-flops, oversized sunglasses, and straw hats. They looked like walking postcards.
The next morning, they strolled down to the beach, drinks in hand, soaking up the sun and enjoying the freedom of anonymity.
That’s when a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini walked by, gave them a sweet smile, and said, “Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father.” She nodded at each of them and kept walking, calm as can be.
The priests stared at each other, stunned. How did she know?!
Determined to be unrecognizable, they doubled down. The next day, they returned to the store and bought even wilder outfits — mismatched patterns, tourist hats with dangling beads, socks with sandals — the works.
Feeling completely undercover, they headed back to the beach, confident no one would suspect a thing.
Right on cue, the same blonde appeared — this time in an even skimpier bikini. She walked right up, smiled again, and said, “Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father.”
One of the priests jumped up. “Alright, young lady — we give up. Yes, we’re priests. But how on earth did you know?”
She laughed, leaned in, and said, “Oh, come on, Father… it’s me — Sister Angela!” 😂👙🙏
The horse said, "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanished from existence.
That's a reference to Descartes's famous line, "I think, therefore I am."
But if I had explained that before the joke it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
"The said Constitution be never construed to authorize Congress to prevent the people of the United States, who are peaceable citizens, from keeping their own arms." - Samuel Adams, U.S. Constitution ratification convention, 1788
