Why is South Korea the only country that will get into heaven?
It’s the only country with a Seoul!
I bought a Russian advent calendar.
Every time you open a window, an oligarch falls out.
Pirates are some of the horniest people on the planet.
They're always talking about chests and booties.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"Y"Know one would had been enough 😂
Which pizza place only serves pizza with small fish on it?
Domminnows
My grandfather complained that my generation relies too much on technology,
so I unplugged his life support
One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window, turned to his wife and said…“It’s going to rain.”
His wife asked, “How do you know?”
“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear”
Captain Kirk has three ears
A left ear A right ear ... and a final frontier.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
So I had to put my foot down!
What's Jesus's favorite dessert?
An Easter Sundae.
What do you call a wreath made of $100 dollar bills?
Aretha franklins.
Asked a date if she wanted to go see an outdoor comedy show...
She said she only likes inside jokes.
For a bit of fun, I’m making a chart of my past girlfriends.
I have an ‘ex’-axis and a ‘why?’-axis
I saw “chicken tongue” on the breakfast menu and thought, “Disgusting! Why would anyone ever eat something that came out of a chicken’s mouth??”
So I got some eggs
What do you call Tom Hanks when he's constipated?
Forced Dump.
If the king sleeps on a king bed, and the queen sleeps on a queen bed, where does the prince sleep?
On an heir mattress.
What is a dogs favorite potato chip?
Ruff-ells!
What brass instrument can be made out of wood?
A tuba-four.
What do you call a detective who investigates electricity?Sherlock ohms...
Sorry, I couldn't resistor
I tried to get my girlfriend to go swimming with my Polar Bear Club.
It didn’t work out well; she ended up getting cold feet.
My buddy stole my thesaurus
I have no words to express how angry I am
I just ordered the best Indian dish in the history of the world.
It was the goat.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it
Have you ever walked into somebody's home and thought…
Wow, why didn't I just use the door?
Who says “Oh, Oh, Oh!”?
Santa walking backwards!
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