What do you call a wreath made of $100 dollar bills?
Aretha franklins.
Why can’t you hear a librarian going to the bathroom?
Because they shhhhit
If the stork is the bird that delivers the babies, what is the bird that prevents pregnancy?
The swallow.
For a bit of fun, I’m making a chart of my past girlfriends.
I have an ‘ex’-axis and a ‘why?’-axis
What do you call a sick lawyer?
Illegal
A man ended up in the hospital after swallowing a bunch of dollar bills
No change is expected
One of my Students asked me Mr China is that your real last name?
No I replied its actually my Made in name
What's the name of that Irish guy that bounces of everything?
Rick O'Shea
My girlfriend told me I give up too easily.
Oh well.
What kind of music do Santa’s elves listen to this time of year?
Wrap music.
My wife just asked me if I know what it's like to eat an entire box of Sicilian pastries.
I said, " I cannoli imagine it."
Today my doctor told me I had to stop eating pizza.
When I asked him why, he said, "so I can examine you."
How did medieval kings get their squires to go to sleep?
He good knighted them
what city is the most tightly packed?
Density.
I got arrested for buying stock in Morton and Duracell.
They said it’s a salt and battery.
Have you heard of a band called cellophane?
They mostly wrap
What type of tree do you find in your kitchen?
a pantry.
What do you call a parrot that can’t fly?
A walkie talkie.
I’ve lost so much money selling boomerangs
They always got returned
The word incorrectly
Is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary.
Why I'm in favor of child laborThey're called minors. So it's obvious that they yearn for the mines.
=P
What does the dad said when he got the universal remote?
That changes everything!
Why don't the other 25 letters like the letter D?
He's a weirdo.
Jaws backwards …
… is a movie about a friendly shark delivering arms and legs to people missing them.
Women don’t just suddenly enter menopause.
It happens ova time.
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