Rofkar Computer Sciences

Professor X asks a young girl: “Whats your superpower?”
The girls responds “I can predict exactly how many pulls of a ceiling fan string is needed to turn it off. For example, the one above your head needs 3.”

Professor X gets up and pulls the string 3 times and as she predicted, it turns off.

“Wow, that’s impressive,” Professor X tells her. “But thats not really a superpower.”

“Yeah you’re right,” The girl responds. “I was just kidding. I can actually heal paraplegics”

What does Excel and an incel have in common?
Both misinterpret things as a date.

Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask
I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

Today I learned if you turn a canoe over, you can wear it as a hat.
Because it's cap sized.

Just opened my water bill and my electric bill at the same time.
I was shocked.

Made this up to annoy my teenager. I apologize in advance.
What version of heaven do numbers go to when they die?

6-Heaven

If King Charles accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction.

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth…
The doctor came and informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. What came out was just literally just a head.

But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso popped out!

The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms popped out!

The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.

By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs popped out.

The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.

The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said,

“He should have quit while he was ahead.”

Why did the mushroom go to jail?
He lost his morel compass

Did you hear about the dairy farmer who was labeling his low-fat milk as whole milk?
He was skimming.

My girlfriend thinks using a condom somehow increases the risk of pregnancy. I told her - no no.. thats a
Common missed-conception

I can't believe my neighbor had the nerve to bang on my door at 3am.
Fortunately I was still up at the time playing the drums.

Genghis Khan wasn't just a mighty warrior, he was also a gifted painter whose works had the ability to hypnotize and fool people.
He was a true Khan Artist.

What's the difference between an angry chicken and a shady lawyer?
An angry chicken clucks defiance . . .

I got convicted for stealing a banana.
I won’t be appealing.

What do you call a row of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.

Who lives next door to Robin Hood?
Neighbour Hood.

What do you call someone who sells prosthetics to dwarfs who are amputees?
A small arms dealer

I was sitting and eating at a vietnamese resturaunt when suddenly I spilled some food.
As I was wiping my leg though, I took a closer look at the food. I called the waiter over to tell him the food was fake.

I pointed at the food on my leg and showed him. It was very obvious when I pointed it out... it was definitely pho knee.

Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a petri dish…
…the results speak for themselves!

I just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Once you hire a company to assemble your books, there’s no turning back.
You’re in a binding agreement.

Chocolates
An Astronaut met up with an ET, and surprisingly, they were able to effectively communicate. For hours they sat and talked about their own home planets. After a while, the discussion turned to religion.

"Have you ever heard of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?" The astronaut asked.

The Alien immediately smiled and replied: "Jesus??? I love that guy! He was in my wedding! That guy saved us a bunch on wine, I'll tell ya!"

"He was in your wedding? How old are you? Jesus walked the earth some 2500 years ago!"

Confused the alien replied "Hmmm, that's strange- he comes to our planet every 5 years or so for a visit. It's great! He comes down from heaven, we give him a box of our best chocolates, and then hang out and party for a few weeks until it's time to go."

"This makes no sense! Jesus has yet to return to our planet!" The Astronaut replied, confused.

The alien scratched his head and replied "So strange he's not visiting you guys more often. Must've been the chocolates."

I told my shoes we were going for a walk.
They said, "Finally, some sole purpose."

No engine no wheels
My 9 year old asked me what mode of transportation has an engine but no wheels?

He answered- Helicopter.

I asked him what mode of transportation has no engine, no wheels but has eggs.

I answered - Your leggs ;)

My kid loved it and I am proud of mysel! Yay!!