So many people these days are too judgmental.
I can tell just by looking at them.
I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you."
Somebody left an unlabeled box of random parts from IKEA at my door, with no instructions.
I’m not quite sure what to make of it.
What did the electrician's wife say when her husband came home late from work?
Wire you insulate
Someone told me that the moon landing was staged, and I agreed 100%
I said "because that's how all orbital rocket work dude!"
Why weren’t the pants allowed in school?
Because they were suspended.
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America.
You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
Two blondes talking. One says "I just took a pregnancy test"
The other replies "Were the questions hard"
The Earth is flat!
It is mostly covered in non carbonated water.
Al Gore should have started a smooth jazz band.
Could have called it "Al Gore Rhythms"
I spent all my money on 18th century music.
Now im baroque
After the experiment, Benjamin Franklin returned his kite to the store.
He got another one free of charge.
What is the technical term for a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny.
If towels could tell jokes,
I bet they would have a dry sense of humor.
What do you call a replacement fart?A substi-toot
Bonuses :
Someone who gets paid to fart? Prosti-toot
Weight of a fart? Magni-toot
An aggressive fart? Atti-toot
My son just told me he wants to be a tank driver when he grows up
I told him I wouldn't stand in his way.
Why do geese fly south in winter?
because it would take longer if they walked
Did you know Napoleon almost died at the siege of Acre?
He was almost blown-a-part
What STD do Jedi's catch?
Sithilis
What country excels at grilling?
Searia!
Why can't we all stand up as one and say no more vaccines?
Having polio makes it hard to stand
Why did Santa take a break?
He felt Claus-trophobic
Be nice to your teeth...
They have FILLINGS too!
I got my husband a "get better" card.
He's not ill, he just really could get better.
Why is it easy to break up with a stormtrooper?
He'll never know what he's missing.
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